Changing schools

Changing school can be a very scary time for you. You might feel excited about new things to see and learn, but a bit scared about having to get to know new teachers and make new friends. You will probably also be sad about the friends and places you had to leave behind.

Children change schools for many reasons

	Maybe your family has moved to another part of your town.
	Maybe your family has moved to another town.
	You may have gone to live in another country (that could be really scary, especially if they speak a different language from you).
	Maybe you didn't get on at your first school and you are making a new start at a new school.
	Maybe you're going to go to high school.

Whatever reasons there are for your changing school, this can be a stressful time.

What some children said about changing schools

"The scariest thing about changing schools is not knowing anyone." "There could be a subject where you don't know what to do and everyone else does."

"When I came here from Germany I didn't know anyone. It was like walking into a stranger's house. When I came here I didn't know English."

"I remember when I changed schools from Ireland to Australia, I was really scared on my first day. I did not know anyone at all. I still remember it."

"When my mum went to Africa I had to change to another school because I stayed with my Auntie. I was very lonely."

"I didn't like changing schools because I had to move away from all my friends."

"When I went to a new school, my sister went too. As the first days went by I got to know things around the school better as well as the people."

"I felt like I was lost when I went to my new school."

Making friends in a new school

Look at the topic on Making friends for some ideas which may help.

Some of the children had some good ideas too.

• "Be nice to everyone."
• "Talk to people and make them laugh."
• "Ask to play with people."
• "Help people in the classroom and in the playground."
• "Be your own friend, care for yourself and stand up for yourself."
• "When you have a nice friend always play with them."
• "I feel really shy when I am meeting new friends. I say "hello" then they say "hello" back and then I keep talking so that they won't think I'm shy."
• "It's easy if you just get to know one person. It's hard to go into a big group."
• "If you feel lonely or you want to make some friends the worst thing to do is to keep to yourself or be shy because then people will probably not notice you.
• "The best thing to do is to answer questions and make suggestions in class and be a happy person to have around, then people might want to be your friend."
• "Smile at people and they will want to be your friend."

Changing schools is not easy and you will feel a bit strange at first, but just go slowly getting to know people, and join in groups or clubs inside and outside school.

If you don't understand all the work, tell your teacher that you learnt different things at your other school.

Your teacher and the other kids will help you if you ask - and it's a good way to get to know others.

Talk with mum or dad and ask them to help you make friends by coming to the school, finding out about clubs and activities that other kids in the area belong to, and getting to know other parents in your area.

They will probably be feeling a bit lonely too.

Dr Kim says: "Changing schools can be a bit scary but it can be exciting. It's always a good idea to think about what you want when you are starting something new."

Remember that you get to make a fresh start. If you had a few problems at your last school, you can leave them behind. You can get a new start at a new school!

Changing schools Kiki and her sister Meg Didn't want to go. But the house was falling down The cracks were starting to show. Her parents said, "This house is old And we want a change." So Meg and Kiki's whole lives Had to be rearranged. They packed their bags and shed a tear For the good friends they would miss. All of their friends said they'd never seen Such a beautiful house as this.

The moving van drove away, With all the chairs and beds After all that packing and saying goodbye It was time to rest their heads. They drove up to their new house. It was new and neat and clean. And when they looked inside it, No cracks were to be seen. They saw their brand new bedrooms And thought them rather cool. This was fun but on Monday They'd have to start their new school.

They walked into the office. Met the Principal Mr Cooks. Went to see their new teacher, Who gave them new work-books. All of the other children stared, When they walked into the room. Which made the girls' hearts flutter And filled them full of gloom. But the kids were very friendly Although a little wary. And Meg and Ki enjoyed it (Although it was a bit scary.) So, take a tip from Ki and Meg. Moving schools can be fun To get a friend, you have to be a friend And that's the way it's done. By Eleanor

Bullying - being unkind to others

What is bullying?

"I was only teasing..." "I didn't really mean to..." "He made me do it". "She did it first". "It was only a bit of fun". We've all made these kinds of excuses at times. Very often we end up saying "sorry" to someone for hurting them, hurting their feelings, of doing something without thinking of what might happen.

Some people seem to be making these kinds of excuses all the time, especially when they've been caught out by an adult or a teacher.

These are the people who turn into bullies.

What makes a bully?

Bullies can be boys or girls, big kids or little kids, smart or not so smart kids. Some bullies use words to hurt the feelings of their victim and some like to hurt people's bodies.
Here are some of the things bullies might do:

		They often talk loudly, and don't give others a chance to speak.
		They try to be super cool.
		They often pick on younger or smaller kids, kids who might be different in some way, or kids who don't have many friends, like new kids.

	They often have one or two people who hang around with them to help them 'gang up' on a kid.
	They can use teasing, name-calling, blackmail and violence against their victim.
	They may spread stories or lies about their victim.
	They may try to turn everyone against that person.
	They may hide, damage or take their victim's things.
	They may ignore or not speak to their victim and try to get others to do the same.
	They may threaten to 'get' their victim or his/her friends and family.

What you should know about bullies

	They like embarrassing or hurting people.
	They are often not confident people themselves, which is why they pick on others. They often are not happy people and have more problems than the people they pick on!
	They feel better about themselves if they can make others feel worse.

	Many experts believe that bullies have learned to bully because they have been bullied themselves in the past, maybe in their homes, outside or at school. (But even if you are bullied, you have a choice what to do - you don't have to turn into a bully).
	Some people join in or go along with the bullying of others to save themselves from being bullied.
	Bullies often work in groups, because it is easy for them to make excuses when they are caught [eg. "I didn't start it..." "I was just there..." "He [the victim] started it and I was just helping my friend".]

Bullying is only successful if people don't do anything about it.

What if you're the bully?

If you get into trouble for bullying and you want to have friends, ask an adult you trust to help you. You will need to get some help to learn to manage your feelings in ways that don't hurt other people. There are always other things you can do when you are angry or stressed or frustrated, but you may need help to work out what they could be for you.

You will also have to help other people 'unlearn' about you. You will have to help them learn about the good things you can do. It will be very hard and it might take a long time but it will be worth it in the end - then you will have made real friends, and earned the real respect of people, rather than have them fear you.

Bullying Can you imagine how awful it feels To wake up afraid every day? Can you imagine how lonely it feels To feel too sad to play? Can you imagine how you might feel If this should happen to you? What if others were standing by While someone was bullying you? Maybe it's time for us all to say Bullying people is not okay. BH

Being bullied

Harassment/Bullying is a big problem in and out of schools nowadays.

People who have studied these things tell us that 1 out of 6 young people are harassed or bullied at least once a week in South Australian schools. So if you are being bullied, you are not the only one - and most of all - it is NOT your fault.

Who gets picked on?

Sometimes it's hard to work out why bullies pick on some people but one thing is for sure, it's not the fault of the person who is being picked on [although there are sometimes things that can be learned to help avoid being bullied].

Bullies generally go for:
	Anyone who just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
	People who are different in any way.
	Anyone who seems like an easy target [easy to scare].
	People who are smaller or younger than the bully.
	People who are sensitive, who may cry or get upset .
	If you think you might be one of these people, remember that we are all different and that is why it is an interesting world. Being different doesn't make it okay to be picked on.

How it feels to be bullied

People who are bullied often feel scared, lonely and hopeless.

Being the victim of a bully can lead to:		Feeling left out and lonely.
		Not wanting to eat.
		Not wanting to go to school.
		Doing badly at school work.
		Running away from school or home.
		Having bad dreams.
		Wetting the bed.

Damien and a friend wrote this:

B is for bashing, weaker people.
U is for unfair, to all pick on one.
L is for lying, to get out of trouble
L is for lout, don't you act like one.
Y is for yuck, that's how they make people feel.
I is for illegal, everyone has rights.
N is for naughty, to upset someone.
G is for gangs who go looking for fights.

Dr Kate says

"If you are being bullied, don't give up - tell someone like a parent or teacher. No-one should be made miserable by other people and there are people who can help you".

Dealing with bullies

Being bullied happens to lots of kids (more than you would think) and it can be very scary. It can make some kids feel so miserable that they don't even want to go to school. So something has to be done about it!

People who are bullies when they are little kids may grow up to be worse bullies when they are big kids. They need to learn that bullying is NOT OK before they grow up into the type of awful adults who make others unhappy and afraid.

Bullying may also be called harassment.

What if someone is bullying you?

	Find someone you trust and go and tell them what is happening to you.
	If the harassment is happening at school, then tell a teacher or school counsellor and ask what can be done about it. Your school probably has a policy on harassment/bullying and there are steps to follow in the rules of that policy. If you say nothing then nothing will be done.

This is not 'dobbing' (telling tales) Bullying is wrong and everyone must speak up about it to stop it.

	It is not your fault that you are being harassed/bullied and you have the right to feel safe.
	Bullies need to be caught and stopped because they can make the lives of many others miserable as well as yours.
	Tell your parents, who will talk to the school for you if you are scared about what the bully may do.
	Tell your friends what is happening to you and ask for their support.
	If you are being harassed on the way to school, try going a different way or walking with a group of others.

	Check if there are any Safety Houses in your area and walk round that way so that you can go there and ask for help. [People who run Safety Houses have been 'checked out' by the police and can be trusted to help young people.]
	If you are being chased, run up to any door and knock loudly. Bullies
	are afraid of being caught and would probably run away if they thought they were going to be caught.
	Bashing people up is assault and is a criminal offence. Let the bully know that your parents know and can report it to school and to the Police.
	It is really important to tell someone!

Don't give bullies a chance

Although often bullies just pick on anyone, there are some things you can do that sometimes help keep bullies away. Here are some ideas on how you can become the kind of person that bullies may be less likely to want to pick on.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and answer these questions:
	Do I look confident?
	Do I look like a regular kid? (Of course kids are different in lots of different ways, but I know how important it is to kids to feel they are seen to be part of the group.)
	Do I stand tall?
	Do I hold my head high? (Or do I look miserable, as though life has got on top of me?)

If the answer is no to any of these questions, then now is the time to put some work in on yourself.

People who become famous athletes, musicians, actors, and dancers or who are really good at whatever job they do have one thing in common: They practise! You can practise too.

Things you can practise

Practise acting confident, eg. walking head-up, looking and smiling at people as you go, saying hello to anyone you know who looks back at you.

Practise looking your best. If you look neat, clean and tidy, and make the most of your appearance, you immediately feel good about yourself and you feel more confident.

Practise using a strong voice - not shouting.

Think back to a situation where you were bullied. How could you have handled it?
	Practise what you could say or do if that happens again.
	Practise making friends in and out of school. (Look up our topic Friendship if you need some ideas.)
	Practise being assertive. This means standing up for your rights.

		Practise thinking about the worst thing that the bully might do to you and what you could do - then stop worrying about it. It is unlikely to happen to the 'new' assertive you.
		Practise a game or skill until you're really good at it. You could make new friends, gain respect from others and feel great about yourself.

	Practise collecting powerful friends. Watch the people you hang around with. Bullies are unlikely to pick on you if you have a group of friends who are strong and support you.
	Ask someone who is bigger, older or popular with other kids if you can hang out with them for a while. (If you can't think of anyone, ask your teacher to help you find someone.)

Don't ask that person to fight for you though. You don't want to be in the middle of a 'war'!

	Practise talking your way out of strife, eg. "OK everyone knows you can beat me, I know too, so it's really a waste of time isn't it?" (Get your parents or a friend to help you. They can pretend to be the bully and you can practise different things to say, in a strong voice.)
	Practise thinking ahead. Avoid places where you come close to the bully.
	If you're being harassed for money or food treats, make sure that you don't have any left when you are likely to come across the bully. Practise saying that you don't get them anymore as mum has told the teacher she doesn't want to provide food/money for other people.
	Practise liking yourself. Tell yourself what a great kid you are. List all the great things you can do.
	Practise all of these things every day. Keep a diary of what you do and what you try to do. Look at it every Sunday to check how you did last week and make your list of things to try for the next week.
	Don't give up!

Remember, practice makes perfect, more practice makes perfect every time. That is what people who become famous believe and if it's good enough for them it sure is good enough for the rest of us! (But it can be hard to do on your own and easier with help from mum or dad or a teacher.)

Ideas on how to deal with bullies

These are some ideas from kids on how to deal with bullies:

• Ask a teacher to watch out for bullies and catch them.
• Ask a friend to help you tell them to stop.
• Try to act like you are not being hurt by their nasty words.
• Tell teachers, parents, counsellors and anyone else you think may help you, until the bullying is dealt with.
• Use the 'Harassment steps' at your school. If you don't know what they are, ask your teacher.
• Don't give the bullies put-downs, give them build-ups (eg. ignore if they are being nasty and say something positive "I think that you're too smart to be doing this.")
• Get all the other people who are being bullied and go together to tell someone.
• Act normal around bullies - don't let them see if you're scared.
• Get together with others and put bullying on the agenda for your class meeting. Don't mention names, say 'someone' or 'what if someone...' and ask for ideas on dealing with bullying from the class.

Katie's story

When I was bullied, my two best friends were with me. Tahlia got called the rare freckled rabbit and freckle fun face and they said she was stupid.

Elle and I were called babies. Elle was teased about her voice and I was teased because I like Winnie the Pooh and teddybears.

To get rid of them we pretended to tell the teacher but they knew we hadn't really, so that didn't help.

We tried all sorts of other things and almost gave up.

My friends and I then decided to do this really babyish play that we'd been practising and they didn't like it so they went away. They've left us alone since then.

David wrote about harassment.

Horrible
Attack
Racism
Assault
Shallow
Shy
Individual
Nasty
Gang

Some schools in Australia are setting up sealed or locked 'Bully Boxes' where you can drop in a note telling who is the bully, what happened, when and where. These notes go to the Principal/counsellor/teacher who follows them up. Some schools have their 'bully box' on the school web site so you can send the information in using email. Let us know if you have a great idea at your school for stamping out bullying.

"When you are getting bullied just ignore them - it really helps, and don't start a fight with them, and tell an adult." from Medeline and Neve

Dr Kim says "Everyone has the right to feel safe. Being bullied makes people feel unsafe. Tell someone you trust about it and keep telling until something is done about the bullying."